Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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