Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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