your room smells of hookers.
And success
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
