I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dignity is for republicans.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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