Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
one might say we're banned from that church
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I deserve this hangover.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
