i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
