Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
