so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
