ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
