So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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