"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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