I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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