I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
