Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
its not stalking. its research.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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