I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
