is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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