I hate all girls vehemently.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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