I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
