I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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