I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
