If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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