just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
