Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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