Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
