Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
