someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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