Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
