Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
