My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
