How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
