"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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