Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
