OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
