'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
