Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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