Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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