Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Life is so much better after having sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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