Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
