is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
