Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
