So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
