help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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