just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My ATM looks so different sober.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
