So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
