I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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