Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
