i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
