Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
