I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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