upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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