Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
