Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
