do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
