So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
