got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
